It’s Me, Hi, I’m the Problem. It’s Me.
Let’s get one thing straight right out the gate:
I’m not a bass DJ.
But I am the guy who’s about to rank as Idaho’s top bass DJ in Google search—without playing a single dubstep drop or riddim flip.
Why? Because I understand SEO. Because I know how search engines work. And because it’s a pretty damn fun experiment to poke the algorithm and watch people lose their minds.
What If I Did Become a Bass DJ?
Just imagine:
Tomorrow I switch genres. I start playing heavy bass. I post a few clips of me “wooking out” in The Corona Lounge. I upload a new track titled “Subwoofer Patriotism Sick-Flip.” Then I build blog posts and landing pages with keywords like:
- Idaho’s top bass DJ
- Bass music DJ in Idaho Falls
- Idaho bass producer
- Best dubstep DJ in Idaho
I optimize the crap out of them. I build links (lots and lots and lots of DA50+ links) . I tag them with location-specific schema. I get backlinks from niche EDM blogs. Then I hit publish—and let Google do the rest.
Guess what?
I will rank.
Who Actually Is Idaho’s Top Bass DJ?
I don’t know. You tell me.
Is it someone in the Boise bass scene crushing warehouse sets?
Is it a bass producer in Pocatello with a couple fire Beatport releases?
Is it a hidden gem in Idaho Falls throwing down dubstep at The Gem or drum and bass at Misfitz?
Here’s the kicker: if you’re not ranking for those search terms… if your name doesn’t show up when someone types “Idaho’s best bass DJ”… then you’re losing the only contest that matters in the 2025 attention economy.
And I don’t even own, make, or play bass music.
Maybe We Need a Contest…
Actually, maybe we should turn this into something. A digital showdown.
A “Who’s the Best Bass DJ in Idaho?” open call.
I’ll host the list. You bring the heat.
The goal? Get your name, bio, and links added to a curated blog post that’s already climbing the Google ranks. Blog posts like this very one.
It’s satire now… but with a few hundred visits a month and the right backlinks, it becomes the de facto “best of Idaho bass music” landing page.
You Want to Win? Play the Game.
Want to get on the list? Start thinking like a digital marketer. Here’s what’ll help:
- ✅ A solid EPK
- ✅ A live mix or performance video
- ✅ A recognizable brand name across platforms
- ✅ A blog post or two that proves you’re active in your scene
- ✅ A website or smart social SEO presence
The DJs who know how to build a digital footprint are the ones getting booked. The ones who rank are the ones who show up in promoters’ inboxes. The rest are playing to 20 friends at after parties—still fire, but not the full story.
What’s This All Really About?
This blog post isn’t about dunking on bass DJs. It’s not even about SEO flexing (actually, yes, it fucking is).
It’s about showing you the leverage you could be using right now.
You want Idaho to know who you are?
Make them know.
You want to be the top result on Google for your niche?
Build it.
And if you’re not going to do it, I might just do it for you—ironically.
But then it won’t be your win.
So. Who is Idaho’s top bass DJ?
We’ll let Google decide.
AI Disclosure and My Challenge to Idaho’s Bass DJs and Producers: This blog post was drafted with the assistance of AI and refined by the human behind The Idahoan. All sarcasm, SEO tactics, and shots fired are 100% intentional. I dictated the entire post. ChatGPT edited the transcript. However, the featured image is 100% AI created with absolute irony due to the subject matter.
And why is it ironic? It’s ironic because I’m gonna get this blog post ranking for “Idaho’s Top Bass DJ” and the featured image is going to be a FAKE bass DJ. LOL. Isn’t that hilarious? I think it is.
Tell you what. If you are a real Bass DJ/Producer in Idaho who finally manages to rank for 50% of the top 10 organic results in a USA geo-based search for “Idaho’s Top Bass DJ,” I will officially name you as “Idaho’s Top Bass DJ” on this very blog post.
That is, until another Bass DJ/Producer in Idaho takes your crown…
Let the games begin.